Colorado considers premarital counseling law

Photo by: Will Gentry

 

Colorado may require couples to take premarital counseling before walking down the isle.

According to the proposed Colorado Marriage Education Act, the law would require 10 hours of pre-marital counseling for first-time brides and grooms. It doubles to 20 hours for anyone who wishes to marry a second time and triples to 30 hours for individuals getting married a third time.

Sheldon Adkins, Oklahoma Christian University director of counseling, said that premarital counseling is a beneficial process that sorts potential marital issues.

“[Premarital counseling helps] to look at differences that aren’t necessarily problems,” Adkins said. “It may just be one person was raised a certain way, and one person was raised another. Premarital counseling can help those differences never become problems; it can be very preventative.”

Junior Laura Welch said premarital counseling gives couples helpful tools to communicate and solve problems in a way that benefits the relationship as a whole, instead of making one partner feel inferior or unloved.

“One very important thing my fiancé, Matt, and I learned [from premarital counseling] is that there are no winners or losers in an argument,” Welch said. “If one person loses, then the relationship loses.”

Welch said premarital counseling also helps couples take the time to learn about each other on a psychological level, which can greatly decrease the amount of miscommunication in a marital relationship.

“It helps show each other a willingness and commitment to work at and improve the relationship, and each partner shows that the relationship is very important to them,” Welch said.

Adkins recommended premarital counseling but questions legislation that could force someone into it.

“I think when people do it because they desire to, their heart is different than if they are just checking a box,” Adkins said. “On the other hand, I have certainly seen times where people had to do things that were mandatory that got something out of it, even though their heart may not have started in the right place. As a counselor, if someone came to see me and their heart wasn’t in it when they began, and they ended up learning something that helped them in their marriage, then I would certainly be all for that.”

Although there are those who have said the idea of the Colorado Marriage Education Act is a good one, they agree that the government should not be as involved when it comes to marriage. Adkins said that he would prefer the government not tell you what to do.

“I would prefer that you educated yourself and made the best decisions, and that you chose to go to premarital counseling because you wanted it to be beneficial,” Adkins said. “I’m not a fan of people not having the right to make that choice for themselves.”

Welch agreed. She said the government has a responsibility to maintain and uphold citizens’ rights, but she posed the question, “Where do the government’s rights end and mine begin?”

“I think requiring premarital counseling crosses that line into my territory, and I do not think Colorado should proceed with the act,” Welch said. “Also it seems dangerous to let the government into yet another part of our lives … they do not hold to the same values or morals that I do, and should not be entitled to involve themselves in something that holds so much moral significance to me and others.”

Senior Hannah Bingham said premarital counseling could be good for Oklahoma, but not necessarily as something that is forced.

“I know in Oklahoma you get a discount on your marriage license if you’ve been through premarital counseling,” Bingham said. “I think that it is a good incentive for counseling without the state mandate. I think ultimately Colorado’s law will force people to go out of state for marriages, which will really just lose them money.”

Adkins said that Oklahoma has involved themselves in marriage quite a bit; he said their idea is right about premarital counseling, but they have also not had the results that they have wanted.

“Oklahoma has what is called the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative … the design for it was to reduce the horrible divorce rates in this state, and I recently saw an article where it has failed miserably,” Adkins said. “So my experience is that the government does a horrible job of legislating things like marriage, but at the same time I want marriages to be stronger.”

Adkins said that assuming this would become a law, 10 hours for first-time marriages seems like a reasonable amount of time.

“There are a lot of factors that come up over time,” Adkins said. “They might have financial difficulties that they never thought would happen, or death in the family that had a very serious impact. So to me, just doing [premarital counseling] by itself, there is no way to guarantee they will never come across serious problems, but it can give them a good foundation for being able to deal with difficulties and struggles before they’ve ever encountered.”

Bingham said that the amount of time they would require for first-time marriages is good, but pointed out 30 hours is a bit much for third-timers.

“I like the idea that those with more divorces need more counseling to prevent another divorce, but 30 hours is a lot,” Bingham said.

According to Adkins, couples on campus typically complete 6-8 premarital counseling sessions at Oklahoma Christian. They also have students complete a Prepare Assessment Tool. Both partners fill out the form separately, and it asks them the same questions. The couple sends the results to the PREPARE/ENRICH company, and they send back a report which uses the responses to help identify the strengths and areas of growth in a relationship.

“We use that as the beginning place to talk to the couples,” Adkins said.

The counseling center offers Oklahoma Christian students free premarital counseling sessions. Couples can contact Lisa Hancock at lisa.hancock@oc.edu for more information or to schedule an appointment.