So much of our world, especially here within the U.S., is based on the quantity of items that we can consume. We practically bathe in excess. In this article I will offer my top 10 list of things I deem “excessive.”
1. Cars you start via your fancy key remote: Seriously? Is it that hard to get to your car, open the door and start it up? I get that it may be cold outside, and you want to get your car nice and warm for when you do finally enter its lavish insides, but is it necessary? Nothing is scarier than walking by a car that starts seemingly on its own. I’m like, “What…A GHOST JUST STARTED THAT CAR.”
2. Instagram: Just tweet your pictures. Where is the end to the constant social media? So you want your pictures to look antique or “hip.” Just cover up your flash with your finger and maybe fog the lens with your breath. Wham-o, a DIY Instagram. Retweet that.
3. Haircuts: Just stress-cut your hair like I do. One minute you’ve got flowing locks; the next you have the same bowl-cut as your baby brother.
4. CDs: What happened to tapes, people? Am I right?
5. Whole-bean coffee: If you buy these, this means one of two things: you are either pretentious or unobservant. Just buy those beans ground like the rest of us peasants.
6. Razor blades with more than three blades: Do not believe what the commercials tell you. More blades do not equal a closer shave. Each of those extra blades equate to an extra five-dollar bill. I’d rather risk a little nick or cut for some extra cash.
7. Quilted toilet paper: It feels great on my behind, sure. Then I remember the thousands of people who could take my quilted toilet paper and fashion themselves their own quilt and I say “Nay nay.” I’ll take the sandpaper please!
8. A Hulu Plus account: If you have one, COME ON MAN. Just hack into your aunt’s Netflix account like the rest of us. I know Oklahoma Christian University has some crazy Internet restrictions, but I’m sure you can find the complete first season of “New Girl” somewhere for free online. Do not pay that $7.99 per month. There are still ads! You are better than that. Have some dignity.
9. Multi-prong head scratchers: Do they feel awesome? Yes! Should you pay for one yourself? No! If your grandma got you one because she is so far removed from your life that she resorted to a head scratcher, that’s OK. Don’t you dare go to the Cracker Barrel yourself and buy one!
10. Bed risers: Unless you need to make yourself a little “quiet time” cave underneath your bed, just deal with the height that your bed already comes in. I promise, once you’re laying on it you can’t tell the difference.
Katelyn Jackson is a senior at Oklahoma Christian University