The months of November and December are warmly recognized as “the most wonderful time of the year” for many Americans. Yet, for some, the holiday season means more than just delicious meals and mistletoe.
For those who already struggle with mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder, Thanksgiving and Christmas can be a challenging time. Sometimes holidays bring up bad memories, remind families of a recent loss or just welcome in a rush of overwhelming stress at how the holidays are “supposed to be.”
Yet, those struggling with mental health may not be the only ones. According to Very Well Mind, more than 80 percent of site visitors who answered a poll conducted on the site find the holidays to be either somewhat or very stressful––a rank close to asking for a raise.
The holiday season is meant to be a joyous time. So, what is causing most us to feel so blue?
Stephanie S. Smith, a clinical psychologist at Front Range Psychological Associates in Erie, CO, claims expectations and ongoing battles with anxiety and depression can be two causes of the holiday blues.
“We have high expectations to have the Martha Stewart holiday, but [what if] we’re not good at baking or our family just doesn’t get along?” Smith said. “Sometimes expectations are so unrealistic they simply can’t be fulfilled.”
Instead of focusing on the perfect, picturesque holiday, hold yourself and your family to a standard of grace rather than perfection. Keep a good sense of humor throughout any mishaps and unplanned issues.
For those struggling with mental health, it is crucial to be honest about what you are dealing with. Do not put your mental health on the “back burner,” and keep conversation lines open with family and friends.
A third cause of the holiday blues is change or tension within the family system.
“Positive and natural changes in the family system––such as a wedding or the birth of a child––can also challenge the rituals/expectations, although there are pressures to keep things the same,” Mary Foston-English, the assistant director of Stanford’s Faculty and Staff Help Center, said.
Change and growth in families can complicate traditions during the holidays. Maybe you always spend Thanksgiving in Michigan, but this year you got invited to spend the holidays with your significant other’s side of the family. Perhaps you always eat fried turkey, but this year your grandparents decided on a “healthier alternative.” Things change, but it does not mean the holidays cannot still be enjoyed.
Things will never be perfect during the holidays. Your sister may bring her annoying boyfriend to Thanksgiving, your aunt could inevitably bring up the family fiasco from 10 years ago, your brother might be spending the holidays with his girlfriend’s family for the first time or you could be constantly reminded of the missing spot at the table this year.
Whether you struggle with traditions, expectations or mental health this time of year, your circumstances do not define your holiday. Do not lose sight of the most important things this holiday season: love, gratitude, compassion, flexibility, patience, forgiveness, grace, joy and peace.
Be open to paving the way for new traditions. Thanksgiving will still come even if you do not get to eat your mom’s homemade pie. Christmas will still roll around even if you do not get to unwrap presents in your childhood living room.
Do not set unrealistic standards for yourself or your loved ones this season. Give forgiveness and grace away freely.
Take care of yourself. If you struggle with mental health issues, reach out for help. If you are already in an established healing regimen, stay to the course and remember to do what is best for you.
Above all, treasure each and every moment this season. After all, the holidays do not have to be perfect to be wonderful.
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