“May your dreams, whether they are eventually achieved, unreached or irretrievably lost, never stop you from turning the page.”
In the first Brew Talks at Oklahoma Christian University Sept. 20, Professor of Business Don Drew shared his ideas on “what to do when your dreams are irretrievably lost.”
“Back when I was six years old—I think I was in first or second grade—my class took a field trip to a nearby firehouse,” Drew said. “I fell in love with being a firefighter and it was a great dream I had. The next week, we were visited by a police officer. So, dreams can come kind of rapidly.”
While most of his childhood dreams only lasted a short time, Drew shared a few dreams which came true and followed him into adulthood, including scuba diving and marrying his wife.
“This last dream is a little challenging for me,” Drew said. “Marsha and I met here at OCC when we were 18-year-old freshmen. Our first date was on the 12th of November in 1976. We married two years later and had almost 40 years together.”
Drew said the first part of his marriage was spent growing up and the second part was spent “going through all kinds of things,”—Drew was in the military, they traveled all over the world and had children. According to Drew, this time was filled with challenges.
“As we were coming out of that time, we could kind of get a glimpse of what our life could be like after that period—it was kind of exciting,” Drew said. “Shortly before our 37th anniversary, we found out she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in stage three. All of the sudden, the dream of better years together—this time we had looked forward to—became pretty unrealistic. In fact, there were only 18 months left, and shortly after her 60th birthday and six months before our 40th anniversary, she died.”
However, Drew said this was not his first experience with loss, adding the death of his mother when he was six, his step mother when he was 17, his father nine years ago, his biological mother in August and his father-in-law a month before his wife died. According to Drew, the song “Three Things” by Jason Mraz taught him a few things about how to effectively cope with the loss of dreams.
“First, I want to tell you crying is okay,” Drew said. “If you’ve ever lost a dream, that’s tough, but what you haven’t lost is your ability to dream. Second, choose to identify with the good of your past and not always focus on what has happened with the loss, and try to be grateful. Seek those who you know love you and let them fill you up. Then, perhaps one of the cruelest wounds we inflict upon ourselves is not to pause to grieve when our dreams collapse.
“It doesn’t do us a whole lot of good to push through like nothing happened. It’s during this time we can think clearly about what now must be because what we thought was, cannot be. The dream we hold close is irreparably removed and the loss takes the breath from us—it is this moment of realization the chapter closes and we are forced to turn the page. Fortunately, in turning the page, we realize the next page is blank. Write again, dream again and try again.”
The Brew will continue to host Brew Talks every Thursday at 8 p.m. This week, professor of communications Brian Simmons will share his ideas on “how to pick the right church as a newly independent adult.”
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