What’s your story?

I hate Father’s Day and I hate alcohol. I hate Father’s Day because my parents divorced when I was two-years-old and I’ve lived with my mom since. I hate alcohol because my dad is an alcoholic who liked the taste of his beer more than he liked his two sons.

You probably don’t know this about me because I don’t walk around wearing a t-shirt that reads, “I hate my alcoholic father,” but it’s part of my story. In fact, everyone has a story. Some are darker than others, but everyone has a story.

My best friend was molested when he was 12. Another friend lost his dad to depression, broke his foot and watched his mom remarry all in the duration of his senior year of high school. One friend from back home was raped. One friend is addicted to pornography. One struggles with drug abuse. One stopped believing in God. One was constantly abused by her older brother. One spends all of her parent’s money just to get their attention.

Everyone has a story, and most of the time we don’t even know our closest friend’s stories. Granted, it’s not our right to force our friends to tell us every dark secret about themselves. But it is our right to be careful with our words because we never know what could trigger something from the past.

Our stories haunt us, but they can also shape us for the better. For me, I’ve learned to take the mistakes that my own father made, and make sure I never repeat those with my future wife and family. For you, maybe your story has made you stronger – or will make you stronger.

The cool thing about stories – as cliché as this sounds – is that though the past has been stroked down in ink and can’t be changed, the future is ours to write. We hold the pen.

So take your story and make it what strengthens you, not what defines you. My name is Jake Whiteley, and sure, I may be the son of an alcoholic, but that is not who I am – at least that is not all who I am.

My friends are not rape victims, sob cases, perverts, druggies, cowards, weak or spoiled. My friends are good people whose rough paths somehow brought us all together to share our stories with one another and grow from our imperfect pasts.

I’m not telling you to run to your best friend’s dorm room and tell them every dark secret about yourself, at least not until you’re ready, but I do encourage it. Sharing your story will take the weight off of your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there. It’s amazing how heavy the secrets of our past actually are.

Share your story and respect the fact that everyone has one – that’s my challenge to you for this week. Before you make a “harmless” joke about deceased parents, or drugs, or rape, or a loss in faith or whatever – think about who is the room with you, and ask yourself if your joke could offend them or affect them in any way.

I hate Father’s Day and I hate alcohol, and that is part of my story.

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