Relationship Advice from Our Faculty

Oklahoma Christian University has many professors who, in addition to teaching us, serve in long and happy marriages. In honor of Valentine’s Day, The Talon has reached out to these professors to hear their best relationship advice. 

Trey Orndorff, the chair for behavior and social sciences, shared the advice he received from his grandfather. 

“If you always put the other first, always view things from their point of view instead of your own, then you will have a long and happy marriage,” Orndorff said, “If you can’t imagine putting that person first, then you may have the wrong person or not be ready for marriage at all.” 

Jim Baird, distinguished professor of Bible and philosophy, spoke on the  qualities to look for when searching for a spouse. 

“We check each other out in lots of ways, but if you’re in it for marriage, you’re checking for character. It takes a lot of character to keep a marriage going,” Baird said, “Honesty, humility, generosity, willingness to change and the ability to admit mistakes. Be checking for those things.”

Studies have proven the health benefits of laughter, and Baird said this laughter is also good for a healthy relationship. 

“When you laugh a lot together, and can’t even remember what was so funny, that’s a good sign,” Baird said.

Brian Simmons, the program chair for communication, said the key to a successful marriage is sacrifice. 

“The root cause of most problems in marriage is some sort of selfishness, so the key to a happy marriage is to always be unselfish,” Simmons said, “Most people know what they ought to do in a given circumstance; so the key to a happy marriage is, when faced with a choice between what you want to do and what you ought to do, always choose what you ought to do.” 

Allison Cassady, professor of education, gave her best advice on how to spend time with your significant other.

“Be active. Make memories with your loved one and talk about those memories often.  Memories do not have to be expensive,” Cassady said, “Be sure you spend time one-on-one and as a family doing things. Be outside, go to parks, play, laugh, enjoy.” 

Jeremie Beller, the chair for Bible, discussed the center point for a strong marriage and echoed Baird’s advice on laughing together.

“Spend your life with someone who shares your commitment to Christ. If faith is at the center of both your lives, you will better know, understand and encourage each other in every decision,” Beller said. “Marry someone who can laugh with you.

Nathan Shank, associate professor of English, gave a word of caution about accepting everyone’s advice. 

“Marriages are so highly idiosyncratic that you should be wary of assuming any advice, even this advice, is a one-size-fits all,” Shank said. 

Kevin Plumlee, the program chair for mechanical engineering, gave advice he said has been working well in his ten-year marriage.

“Commit to attending 1 marriage conference or scheduling 1 marriage counseling session every year, even if you don’t think you need it. Don’t wait until you are in crisis to start improving your marriage,” Plumlee said. 

Matt McCook, professor of history, said the friend zone might not be so bad.

“When I stopped stressing about dating and having a girlfriend, it happened more naturally.  Based on experience, my advice would be to stop worrying about dating and focus on developing deep friendships based on mutual values,” McCook said. “Who knows, your best friend may become your wife.”