Photo by Abby Bellow
Christian universities are often know as the home of the “MRS degree” and the “ring by spring” mantra, but to prepare married and soon to be married students for what lies ahead, Oklahoma Christian University is hosting a relationship retreat.
“I went to school here 25 years ago and everybody talked about getting your MRS degree, it was kind of a joke,” Sheldon Adkins, director of the university counseling center, said. “And when I came back here four years ago, people [were still talking] about it.”
Junior Janey Weast acknowledges the lingering existence of the MRS degree, the idea the intention of attending college is to find a husband to change a name’s predicate from Ms. to Mrs.
“With a campus that has a lot of, even if it is a joke, ring by spring sort of stuff, we don’t want people to just jump into that lightly because it is really important whether it is just dating or a serious relationship,” Weast said.
Adkins said the subject should be taken seriously and approached with educated information.
“As counselors, we think a lot of the times students should wait longer, but the reality is they’re getting married,” Adkins said. “A lot of students that are here are getting married and we want them to be as equipped as they possibly can.”
Because of the prevalent marriage mentality at Oklahoma Christian, the counseling center created the relationship retreat in the fall of 2009.
“It’s almost expected [for you] to get married before you graduate OC,” senior Taylor Gulley said. “So, if that’s the plan, you might as well know how to do it right.”
With curriculum from John Brown University, the retreat uses the Growing Healthy Relationships program.
“They alternate between two themes, one of them is managing conflict… the other one is communication,” Taylor Gulley said. “It’s all about communication, really. That’s one of the most important things.”
Gulley will attend the relationship retreat for the fourth time in his college career this year. He and his wife, senior Rachel Gulley, went to the program when they became engaged during their first year at Oklahoma Christian.
“It’s just really nice to spend a little bit of time to specifically focus on your relationship and to make things work smoothly or continue to make things work well,” Gulley said.
This year, the theme of the program is Communication: The Key to a Great Relationship.
“They have about hour-long modules that they do where they talk about different elements of communication… in relationships and different things that can be hindrances to communication and different things couples can do to enhance that communication,” Adkins said.
The program also focuses on couples having a solid foundation in Christ and growing together in their faith.
“It’s one thing for two individuals to be Christians, but a big part of their emphasis is on having a couple that is a Christian couple,” Adkins said.
Weast and her fiancé, junior Bryan Buxton, went on the relationship retreat from a friend’s recommendation last year after they were dating for approximately six months.
“I think we were better at talking things out after that,” Weast said. “When we did get in little arguments, we were better at talking through them than we had been before.”
Both Weast and Gulley have found the retreat to be helpful in their respective relationships.
“I think it has really helped us to talk with each other a little more and just get along a little bit smoother,” Gulley said.
Besides lectures, the retreat also includes icebreaker activities, meals and various prize giveaways for couples.
“It is a lot of fun and you learn a lot at the same time,” Weast said. “It is very helpful stuff that you might not have thought of before.”
After the initial Friday and Saturday retreat, the group meets up again in November at Ted’s Café Escondido in Edmond to discuss the past month.
“That is really cool because we get to see tangible experiences that they’ve had from how things were before and how they’re doing now and how that’s enhancing their relationship,” Adkins said.
For now, the event is held in the Gotcher Room located in the Gaylord University Center. However, since it’s induction, the retreat has grown significantly, causing leadership to examine the possibility of moving to a different location.
“Last year, we had 23 couples,” Adkins said. “We’re starting to kind of push the limits on size; we are hoping this is the year we have to move out of the Gotcher Room because it won’t be big enough.”
The retreat is focused primarily on married couples, but has been modified to accommodate the amount of engaged and seriously dating couples in attendance. The retreat is free but one member of the relationship has to be enrolled at Oklahoma Christian.
This year’s retreat is Oct. 24 from 6-9 p.m. and Oct. 25 from 8:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. The date night at Ted’s is on Nov. 20.
“We’d love to have every couple that is interested in coming.,” Adkins said.
Contact lisa.hancock@oc.edu to sign up.
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